The rest of my story...

I was always a fighter. I got knocked down so often, I was known as “the girl with great promise”, as opposed to manifesting to fruition. I was sick a lot as far back as I remember. My immune system was very low, and I had many mysterious symptoms that seemed to come and go with no known logic or connection. It was not uncommon for me to be out of school for months in a school year. I would be out in the world, like a normal kid, and then the inevitable crash in the dreaded bed-up and down, in and out-trying to take advantage of the “out” time as much as possible.

I grew up in a home with mental illness, abuse and addiction. I asked my mother if I could go to therapy at 6 years old. When I found out I was zoned for a high school of gangs and drugs, I studied for the entrance exam and got into Stuyvesant H.S.-the top school in NYC. It was there that I met Frank McCourt, my creative writing teacher, now Pulitzer Prize Winning author of Angela’s Ashes, who encouraged me, and upon graduation, awarded me the NYC Teacher’s Award for Excellence in Creative Writing.

In between this, I studied drama, dance and voice-from ages 9-11 in a vaudeville school in Carnegie Hall and from ages 12-16 at the Neighborhood Playhouse, NYC. I tried to do as much as I could during my “out” times, but at 16, the depression became worse-for awhile eclipsing the physical issues. I withdrew after high school-still fighting for life where I could-enough to get into the college I wanted. In college, the cognitive issues worsened. I’d sit in the Unisex bathroom reading the same sentence over and over for hours.

During all this, I developed my interest in bodybuilding and fitness, and was certified as a trainer at Jack LaLanne and later at the Vertical Club, NYC. Years later, in SF, I had a small personal training business.

After 2 years in college, I misjudged distances and got hit by a car. That seemed to be the last insult my body would take. I was barely able to get out of bed for the next decade-though I did manage some triumphs during this time: I got myself out of the abusive home and moved to SF, where, with little resources, I managed to get a room and a job within a month. The job was wonderful-I was a paid environmental activist! It was here that I began my interest in politics and activism, and discovered my ability to move energy for a good cause. I knew my body was running on the adrenaline of survival, however, and it did run down, until finally I was unable to work. An angel sent someone to me-someone who, even though he didn’t have much himself, walked the path with me.

This was a terribly trying time. In hindsight, I am grateful for the experiences, as I had a front row seat to what so many people who are ill/ low-income/ homeless-what people with no safety net- go through, and no matter how high I rise in my life, that understanding is seared into my brain. It solidified my conviction of every human being’s right to healthy shelter and healthcare and gave me the drive to fight for myself and for those that can’t fight for themselves.

With so little money, we were homeless for years, doing the “housesitting circuit” when we could. I remember living in a tent in a park while my partner commuted miles to work-sick as a dog-with night sweats, on and off fevers, migraines, depression and panic attacks, loss of feeling in my leg-just feeling like I was dying-while people around me were camping on vacation having beer blasts. There was the attic someone rented to us, where the ceiling was 3 feet from the floor, and we had to crawl to get into, that was ridden with fleas. Or the converted garage that was infested with black mold and vermin-which is where I developed the “mold injury” I have now.

After a 5 year battle, I received disability, which was a blessing. I was finally able to address these health issues head on, and saw my first Holistic MD. I was diagnosed at age 33 with Lyme Disease and it’s co-infections, Clinical Depression, MCS, mold injury, and heavy metal poisoning. I treated what I could afford. Improvement was slow but I am better. I still have a long way to go-which is again why getting my certification and is so important to getting back my life. With the skill of Pilates teaching, I can get the medical support I’ve needed all along.

Those with chronic illness know how expensive the doctors who have the knowledge and experience to help are, and most supplements and meds are out of pocket. I can live in a place that I can make tolerable for the MCS and EI. And with these two foundations, I can build my strength, and I promise you-I will make the most of this gift of my life. I have gained valuable pwesonal insight that I can weave into Pilates training to help those with chronic illness. I want to help inspire others as well, those with chronic illness and those who just need hope, with my life. I want to help people transform and heal with Pilates. Be it through art, Pilates, or activism (or a combo!), I will advocate and educate to help those who are too weary or sick or tired or poor to advocate for themselves.